Catcalling is no validation of beauty

23 year old Poppy Smart recently made the news for going to the police about being catcalled every morning on her way to work by the same group of builders. Of course, the media exploded, with her critics claiming it's a compliment to be catcalled, and that it's harmless fun. It's often men who say these things and, I imagine, often the same men who are guilty of it and trying to justify their actions. However, there are plenty of women who too take the same opinion. It is funny that a popular come-back aimed at the 'prudes' and 'idiots' who complain about catcalling, is that they're just jealous because it doesn't happen to them. In my experience it is often the women who get it the most who complain, and those who don't saying things like 'I wish I got catcalled'. This came up on the always delightful Loose Women the other day, where plenty of viewers expressed the sentiment that they wished they got catcalled, or that they enjoy being complimented. In my last post I wrote that I do not like women telling other women what to do, and I would not want to tell other women how to feel, but I do feel there is something a little naive about this.

I imagine a scene playing out in these women's heads, the ones who wished to be catcalled: It's a sunny day, maybe they've just done their hair, their make up is on point and they've lost a few pounds. They feel great in themselves that day and they want other people to notice it too. As they walk through the streets heads are turning, attractive men are whistling and in that moment they feel like like one of those women in those adverts who eats nothing but Special K. However this is not how catcalling is experienced. Catcalling is when you feel ugly and you want the ground to swallow you but men are shouting at you anyway and you do your best to pretend not to hear them. Catcalling is being told you look beautiful and being told you look anorexic during the same day. Catcalling is having a car pull up and a group of boys call you a fat bitch. Catcalling is taking your dog for a piss outside your flat and being told to smile. Catcalling is being told by a stranger they would like to do you up the arse. Catcalling is being physically stopped on your way to work at 7am buy two guys who are still drunk and won't take no for an answer. Catcalling is regularly crossing the road near your flat to avoid the builders who collectively stare and sometimes make noises. Catcalling is having your throat grabbed and being asked to suck a guys dick on your way home from a club. Catcalling is when you've finished a long shift where you've been verbally abused, and on the way home you get called a rude bitch for ignoring a 'hello'. These are all things that have happened to me or people I know, and I could go on and on.

The thing is, women who wish you were catcalled, there isn't a switch which you can turn off on the days where, actually, you're not in the mood. And after a while (one incident, really), the novelty of having strange men approach you and experiencing that fleeting dread which accompanies not knowing what kind of thing is going to be said or done, it wears thin, and you're never in the mood. And behind all this is the idea that it's a compliment. Is it a compliment though? In my above list I included some insults, because in my experience it is all one in the same, and the line between a compliment and an insult is very thin. It is just men feeling entitled to tell you exactly how they feel about your appearance - good or bad - and it is interesting how quickly the good can turn to the bad once you haven't accepted their compliment with a wee courtesy and a 'thank you sir'.

Women who wish to be catcalled, please do not seek validation of your beauty in stranger's comments. They are as mindless and as fickle as they could be. They are often just a reflection of societies attitudes which places young and pretty at the height of what is considered 'desirable', and of male entitlement to approach women however they want. Please also do not put down other women who speak out about it. We should not have to be grateful or accepting of something we never asked for and never wanted.