Recently, there have been a series of rapes in my city which
have received some news coverage. One incident where an 18 year old girl was
walking back from a night out and was raped by a couple of strangers, and a
couple of cases where men have entered a women’s toilet in a pub, and raped a
women. These are what I am going to call ‘classic rapes’. By this I mean, the
kinds of scenarios people, the general public, society, think of when they hear
the word ‘rape’. They are, in fact, a relatively small proportion, as most
rapes are committed by an assailant known to the victim. (Personally I do not
like taking about rapes as ‘different types’ as this can lead to thinking of
abuse as being hierarchal, and therefore having the effect of downgrading some
survivor’s experiences)
Browsing the online comments under the reports, I started to
see a theme. Some people were wondering what on earth an 18 year old girl was
doing walking alone at night, surely this was an invite for trouble. Not only a
woman mistakenly thinking that she could safely walk in a public space at
night, but a teenage one at that! Foolish girl. Under the comments for the
public toilet rapes, people were questioning how could we silly women have let
a man walk in? Foolish women. We should know, shouldn’t we, that men have an
overpowering and insatiable sexual appetite?!
A few days later I spoke/ranted my concerns with these
attitudes at a male friend. He agreed that these comments were vile and
ignorant, and he tried to soothe my anger with the assurance that it doesn’t
matter because these people are Daily Mail right wing ‘morons’ and it’s not
like I have friends who hold these attitudes. He was right, of course. These
people are obviously morons, not the sort of people I spend time with. I am
luckily enough to be friends with wonderful, intelligent people, male and
female, who all hold positive feminist attitudes, and living in the comfort of
that soft cushioning bubble is great, it really is. But to leave it there, and
to think that these attitudes will not and may not ever affect me and other
women is unwise. Foolish, even.
Before I explain why, I am going to give a few examples of
rape myths to highlight what they are, the kinds of comments which perpetuate
these myths, and explain why they are bullshit. (There are many problematic attitudes that people hold regarding rape, I’m sure you will encounter them but I will not bore you with them all, as this is not an exhaustive list).
Firstly, there appears to be this widespread belief that
women and children lie about their abuse. Now, this one is quick to nip in the
bud. There is no evidence to support this claim: only around 9% of UK rape
allegations are found to be false, which is no higher than any other form of
crime. Often, and particularly in the case of children, the false accusation
may cover up other, separate, abusive issues. Because after all who would want
the negative stigma, the disbelief, the victim blaming, associated with being
raped?
Victim blaming is another common rape myth, one which was
highlighted in my initial example of online reading. This includes things such
as blaming the victim for what they were wearing, what they were drinking, how
they were acting, how they were in the ‘wrong’ place. It is anything,
basically, which can put the blame on to the victim and somehow justify or
excuse the perpetrator’s action. These things do not matter. I think it should
be obvious, but victim blaming can often be quite subtle. For example there
were recent NHS posters warning young women not to drink too much because it
leaves them open to sexual assault. Being vulnerable is not an invitation. A
man is in control of his actions, he is not a thoughtless senseless sex crazed
animal, and to be honest it is degrading towards men to consider them as such.
Victim blaming can also be quite obvious. For example in a case against a
footballer who was accused of rape, the defendant’s dress worn on the night in
question was used as evidence in favour of the accused footballer. The accused
was acquitted.
Talking about drinking too much brings us nicely to the
issue of consent. Most people like to think of the narrative of rape as a
stranger attacking a tearful girl who runs off into the night. But what about
if the victim knew the attacker? What if they agreed to go on a date with them?
Agreed to go back to their house? Maybe they were consensually kissing? What about
when things go too far and she asks him to stop? Some may struggle with the
concept that consent can be given but also taken away.
Some people seem to think that there might be a script to go
along with rape, and that there is a specific and ‘right’ way to act during and
following, and that by not following this script, it somehow means that it
wasn’t rape. So, for example people who perpetuate this myth might say, ‘well,
why did they not fight back?”, or “if it was rape, then why did they stay the
night?”. There are many reasons why women
might not fight back, they may feel the threat of more physical violence from
resisting, their bodies may have frozen from trauma and gone into a state of
shock, they may have felt coerced into having sex and therefore not resisted,
this may particularly be the case if the rapist was their partner or someone
they knew. To look at the second question, the above explanations can also be
applied, but also, so what? Why should their response take away from the trauma
of the situation? This view does not account for the overwhelming variety of
human responses, which are often not rational anyway. The idea that there is a
normal and proper way to respond to an abnormal situation needs to be dropped.
I hope this has made it clear, (for those who weren't sure) that sex and rape are entirely different. Sex is a consensual act and rape is about power and control. Secondly, that there is no 'right' kind of rape, one which makes perfect sense in our narrative of how we view rape and indeed rapists, nor is there a 'normal' way to respond during or after.
So back to
my original question, which is why does it matter if people hold these views? When
I use the term ‘widespread’, I mean it. The people spewing ignorance on local newspaper comment sections are not invisible people, never to be a part of society or have the chance to act on these views. They could be friends or family members or colleagues. Or they could be involved in a job meant to help. Some policemen, worryingly,
hold very strong rape myths when dealing with rape victims. Consider that they may be members of the jury, ready to hear and decide on a rape case, (few are successful by the way, but I won't depress you with those statistics).
And then what about all the other people not brave enough to voice their views but
willing to absorb other’s? It may easy to brush off as silly
ignorance but the problem is deep, and it seeps into the cracks and into not
only the minds of policemen, social workers and juries, but the minds of the
abused, who end up self-loathing, self blaming, confused and unsure of what to
do. And what happens if you, your friend, lover, daughter, mother are sexually abused? Maybe they would be lucky enough to have friends and family who are understanding and believe them, but you can not choose your police officer, or your jury.
Rape myths perpetuate, excuse, and justify violence, and until they are
challenged and torn down, nothing is going to change.
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